This will be a project of sorts, I imagine. I’m an Afghan-American Muslimah. I have a lot of questions about a lot of things — few of which have solid answers. This is my attempt at experiencing my confusions about life as a modern, “liberal” (whatever that means, we’ll find out together), practicing/unpracticing (meanings also TBD or just TB…) Afghan-American Muslimah.
For most of my life, I have been a cultural Muslim. Only in the last two years have I begun to peel apart my Afghan identity from my Muslim one. Much like the label of Snapple bottles, this is not a clean peel. Some parts insist on staying together. Right now, I’m at the point where I just want to force the label back on — but the damage has been done. Or maybe the hardest part is behind me. I highly doubt the latter. The label flaps, stubborn and simultaneously useless. Taunting me in it’s marred state. Making evident the journey that has yet to be confidently embarked upon. Fuck you, Snapple label.
I didn’t think to acknowledge the existence of other Muslims, as in any Muslim who was not Afghan, until I went to college. Ignorance and Denial are happy planets. Now I’m a college graduate, and I’m constantly feeling pressure to define myself by Arab-Muslim-American standards. This is by no means every Arab-Muslim-American, but the one I feel pressure from is the: hijabi, Arabic-speaking, hadith-reciting, hyper family-influenced, single-and-antsy-to-get-married girl/woman.
Now, before you leave me hate comments about how I just totally stereotyped you and I don’t understand Islam and that Afghans do everything wrong let me just say that I will contradict myself on most, if not on all, of these “qualms” that I have with Muslimah identity, throughout this bloggerly journey. I am open to having my ego burst hundreds of times because of this blog, I just want to have a platform where I can somewhat safely understand my thoughts in relation to others’. It would be amazing to be able to do this in person, but I honestly don’t feel like I can because there is a lot of judgement in the Muslim community and it’s not conducive to growing as a Muslim woman. Thank Allah for the the Internet.
So. Inshallah I can keep this up, because I really need to have a place to say things. And then say other things. And maybe repeat the cycle so that eventually, I can get a clearer idea of what I believe on the spectrum of what is means to be a Muslim. Because that’s the gist of it (at least right now), being a Muslim isn’t just one, fixed identity. It’s many things to many people — but certain things bring us together as one. The unity of respecting our differences, the wisdom of understanding how we’re the same regardless.
Or something like that.
